| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2009|09:06 pm] |
Just when stuff was going really well, stuff started to suck again.
We live in the small town where we teach (5 minutes from school). Quite a few people who work here live in Florence (a lot bigger) and commute the half hour every day. For the most part, one of the things that's really made everything alright is that my best friend here liveD down the street (literally half a mile). At night a lot of the time, I'd go over to his garage and we'd sit and have a drink and talk about motorcycles and building stuff and going hunting and fishing.
He and his wife just bought a house in Florence. There are no young people left in this town. A half hour up the road doesn't seem like a big deal, but it means that we won't just randomly cook out or stop by to see whats going on and stuff. They bought the house right near a few of our other friends, so they'll do that now, and we'll be left out here.
Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.
And as much as I hate to say it, it'd be easier if Emily weren't here for it, because she can never find hobbies to keep herself entertained. I mean, it'd still suck that they're moving, but I'd just spend my days out in the garage or drawing or reading or something-- not the best, but it would be pretty decent. But it already drives her nuts now when I'm always doing stuff like that, and now she won't have Michelle to hang out with. I'm glad she's here, because it makes me less lonely, but I think I make her more lonely.
We need friends in town so bad. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|09:38 pm] |
I need to get back in to posting. Way too long between posts. This is unacceptable.
Things are decent at school. I signed my contract for next year, and I'm coming back-- didn't think I'd say that about 6 months ago. It's a combination of things. School is a little better, because kids know what they're not going to get away with, and I guess this year's and next year's class are supposed to be two of the toughest to go through the school in quite some time, and I figure if I can make it in the Pee Dee for two of the roughest classes, most places I'd go to from here would seem like a cinch.
My best friend here (Chad) and I just bought motorcycles, and motorcycles make everything better. ( LOOK AT THE BIKE )
Emily and I are still together. Lost of tension. Sometimes I don't really know why it works, but it does so far. I think she's really stressed with work, and it carries over on to us a lot. Summer will be good for us.
My parents are coming down at the end of the week for Easter. That's the best news I've had in months. I miss them a lot, but it's going to be exciting bringing them into my apartment and taking them all of the places to eat and showing them around. They were here the second week I was, but I had no idea where anything was. It's really exciting to show them my life right now.
Church is rough. We weren't able to find anywhere that we both liked, so we're kinda sliding with that right now. I think it adds a lot of stress to everything. We need to find a good church.
I submitted a song that I wrote to a poetry contest, and they're going to print it. There is a shot at winning a $2,500 first place prize, too. Not that I think I'll get that, but it's really neat to have something like this happen at all. I've never really been printed aside from vanity presses or college collections and things, so to have someone who doesn't know me pick it out to be published is pretty sweet.
Anyway, that is the update. Summer is 2 months away, and I can taste it. Life is exciting if nothing else.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2009|10:36 am] |
I don't get much time to draw or mess around with things anymore, but yesterday I had a day off and got to make a picture.
( PICTURE )
If I had it to do over again, I would have used markers rather than oils (I'm not very good with oils right now), but I'm pretty happy with the background because of them, so it's give and take, I guess. I wish there were more time to work on things like this.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2008|10:02 pm] |
My sister gave birth today. That's exciting. I didn't hold it, because I thought I'd drop it-- it would be hard to be known as the guy who killed a baby at Christmas time.
My dad and I drove over to the hospital (hour each way). We had one of the best conversations that I can remember having with him. We almost always just talk about cars and sports (which we did on the way over), but we really got a chance to just sit and talk about life in general. He told me a lot about what it was like with his dad when he was a kid. We're sitting here eating pizza and watching the Bears/Packers game. Nights don't get much better than this. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|07:55 pm] |
Things are going a little better here. I'm still not sure that I'm the right person to help these kids, but most of my classes are at a point where I can get them in their seats and listening for more than 5 minutes-- that actually feels like a really big accomplishment. We're supposed to sign our letter of intent sometime by the end of next month to say if we're going to stay for next year. It's kinda unbelievable, but I'm thinking of staying for next year. Last week, one of the girls who initially gave me a really hard time (but has been really good lately, if for no other reason than because she can't get in trouble for basketball) said "I'll be sad when you leave next year." I asked why she thought that I was leaving, and she said "because all of the new teachers leave this school and move to Florence school." I can understand why, but that has to be really sad.
In other news CALL MY THURSDAY NIGHT/ FRIDAY MORNING! I'll be driving home to PA, leaving SC at around 11pm on Thursday (and should get there at about 11am on Friday). I'm going to be bored driving all that way, so give me a call to keep me awake.
Home is going to be so good. I can't wait to go home. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2008|10:01 pm] |
|
I want to quit my job. I'm not the right person to help these kids at all. They don't care about being there. Their parents don't care if they're there. I hate it here. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|11:01 pm] |
Being home is exactly what I needed. The past few days have been really good. Today my dad and I were using the backhoe to clear off the driveway, and it just made me not want to go back to SC at all. Three weeks till Christmas...
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is almost always family around, and it's a day to realize how fortunate you really are and how much you have rather than how many things you'd want to be different. Also, the whole day is about eating and watching football-- I mean, seriously.
I'm really glad that my family doesn't expect me to dress up for Thanksgiving dinner. Sometimes I wish my family had more traditions that we could all do together (I mean, my dad and wouldn't watch the parade, and my mom and sisters don't care who the Lions play), but it's nice to have such a casual approach to it. It makes us feel closer, I think, or more comfortable than we would be if we were all dressed up.
HOORAY FOR THANKSGIVING! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2008|10:39 pm] |
Man, I could really just use a hug right now. Today has been miserable. With a lot of people, I feel really awkward with hugs, but it wouldn't really matter right now.
Emily and I didn't go to church today. We felt really good about the church we were going to. It had just split, and they were excited to have new people. There were a lot of things we could do and a lot of places we could help. They have 3 services (2 sunday, 1 wednesday night) which we thought was good because you can really come and go as you please, you know? But as it turns out, when you start going to one, they kinda expect you to go to all three-- the church is half an hour from us, and making 2 sunday trips is tough. It's rough in general with our schedule. You can tell that it kinda bothers them that we only come to about one a week... which kinda weirds me out.
Also, a huge adjustment from PA, your church is your social group. Up north, every so often you'd do something fun with the church, and then you'd go off and do other things with other social groups. Here, people hang out with their church groups all the time. And at first I thought that was great-- what a close family. But the more I'm around it, the more weird I feel about it. You can't spend all of your time with the church... you need to be around other people and be in the world (not of, but in). I don't know... the more I settle in here, the more I know that I don't want to stay in the south.
I don't feel like Emily and I are doing well in general. We're having trouble settling in with a church. We're having trouble balancing all of our work and spending time. And honestly, I think we're just having trouble with each other.
I broke my car, because I'm stupid. All of the fluids in my car needed to be filled, and I was in a hurry. I had both brake fluid and steering fluid in my hand, and just wasn't watching what I was doing. I thought I had steering fluid in my hand, and poured some break fluid down the wrong tube. My guess is that it's going to eat all of the seals out of the power steering. Also, my brakes, which I'd had fixed for me last month because I don't have time or a garage jack, leaked out the brake fluid, so that brake line is probably shot. Right now I only have front brakes on my car and can't drive it anywhere (I need to bum rides to work and everywhere. I even have mail to go to f-boarders, SO HOLD ON TIGHT, KIDDIES! IT'LL BE THERE WHEN I GET TO THE POST OFFICE!) Yesterday, in the sunshine without a cloud overhead, I washed my car. Last night it rained on my car.
I've had 4 more kids ask to transfer out of my class this 9-weeks. They wouldn't even follow directions enough to fill front page (the bubble letters for their names). I feel like a complete failure as a teacher.
I'm exausted. I don't want to do this anymore. There isn't an area of life in which I feel compitent or happy.
I'm just so tired. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2008|09:56 pm] |
|
I've been rejuvenated in school. We're reading the book Night. Quite a few of the students still aren't into it, and that's fine. I want them to pay attention, but sometimes you just have to press on with the way you can. We're going to read this book, and a lot of students are going to get something out of it. Here in the next week we're talking about Darfur and how it connects to what we're talking about now... how people didn't speak up in the Holocaust and what happened because of it. In short, I'm still somewhat discouraged that some of them just don't care still, but I'm really encouraged by how much some of the kids are getting into the book-- and for the right reasons. It's not for gory details and things, but a lot of them understand that this is an important topic. The one student was saying that when they talk more about WWII in history this year, he's going to listen more because of this. That was a good thing to hear :) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|09:27 pm] |
I don't want to be here anymore. My kids are really disappointing. If there were another way to phrase that, I'd do it, but that's the most honest way to sum it up. A majority of my sophomores read at around a 6-8th grade reading level. They can't follow simple instructions. We had a project to write a short story in which I 1) gave them the grading rubric with the assignment so they knew exactly what I was looking for, 2) gave a secondary outline of everything they needed to hand in so that if they didn't understand the rubric, they could use that, and 3) gave them time in class to do their entire project. Admittedly, there was quite a bit (brainstorming, rough draft, final copy, and a picture), but we had more than 5 days in class of working on it. Most didn't have above 50%. I don't understand HOW. I mean, it just doesn't make sense. I don't know what to do to help them. I'm not a good enough teacher.
My grandma died today. I don't really want to go home for the funeral. I don't think she'd be disappointed if she could know, and I don't really like going to funerals in general... it makes me feel out of place. But I know that my dad probably wants me to go, and I can understand that. I'll have to see tomorrow.
We found a church that we kinda like down here. That has been really taxing. It was tough, because a lot of the places here feel really formal or commercial. I'd rather not go to church than feel like it's some kind of commercial setup. But this new place is really nice. They're rebuilding, and there is a lot of work to be done. It's really exciting to know that there will be a chance to help people out. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|09:53 pm] |
|
The other day in class I needed an example of how we're constantly "reading" television. We watched a short Rachel Ray commercial so I could talk my way through it. I will indoctrinate these children. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2008|09:59 pm] |
Tonight is the last game in Yankee Stadium. The day before I turned 18, my dad took me and my friend from Germany (who was visiting in the country) to a Yankee game against the RedSox. The game had a rain delay, which a lot of people would have hated, but it gave me time to walk around and look at the stadium. Because of the delay, we were there past midnight, so I turned 18 in Yankee Stadium. I stole a nut off of the back of one of the chair, and it's still on my dresser back home. It'll be so weird to see pinstripes in a different field.
Emily and I almost broke up this weekend. I don't know what I'll do if we break up. It'll be another 8 months here in SC alone. What a crappy year.
Fall is here in SC, and it's starting to cool off a little. It suddenly hit me for the first time in my life that it'll be a surprise if it snows. How weird is that? To not be able to count of the snow to come?
All good things eventually end. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|10:33 pm] |
Home sweet home, I guess. Actually, I'm kinda miserable. School is getting a little bit better now that they know I'll punish them and stuff, but the attitude down here is so much different. I mean, everyone is taught to be really polite and nice and things, and most of the kids say "sir" and "ma'am." But once you're around people for awhile you can tell when it's a false cover. They say it just like people say "thanks" and don't really mean anything by it. It's not really that different than anywhere else, but I guess the difference is that they think they are being respectful by saying things like that. It's nice to hear, but they don't get that it's not really about the words you say. Then again, they're in 10th grade, so it'd also be expecting a lot.
Things are tough with Emily. A lot is wrong, and I don't know how to fix it. We don't take care of each other spiritually. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to do this anymore. It just sucks.
I miss PA. It's not being homesick-- I miss my family, but it's not so much that. I miss the hills. I already miss having a real fall. I'm tired of not having time to do anything. Today I played a couple games of Tetris and it felt so good to relax.
Things will get better; I know they will. But right now, I'm just not happy about anything |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|08:24 pm] |
So, this whole teachin' bidness. It's tough. Really tough. I kinda feel like I'm at a double loss, because at our school most of the teachers are either old or young. The old ones have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves, but even without those, they have a reputation. Someone's brother told them "oh, he's a mean jerk of a teacher." The benefit to being young is that I'm supposed to be into the same kinds of things that they are, but that's just not the way it works out. When they talk about singers and rapper, I have no idea who they are talking about. About the only things I watch on television are sportscenter and early/mid-90's sitcom reruns. My kiddies have no idea who Calvin and Hobbes are. It's a tough world out there. The other thing, and I notice it much more here than in student teaching, is that the kids feel like they are entitled to everything, and that teachers have no power to do anything. In student teaching, the kids knew they were doing something wrong, so it didn't take much to correct it. This past week, it has felt like they know it, but they just don't care because "all he can do is write me up, and I don't go anyway." It's just a tough job.
I'm really lonely here, too. It's nice to have Emily around, but it seems like something is wrong and she won't tell me what it is. I've met some other teachers from school, the one is a couple of new teachers-- the guy's room is down the hall from me at the high school, and his wife's is down the hall from Emily's at the middle school. So it's nice to hang out with them. But I miss my family. I miss hills. I miss familiar people.
I haven't had the time to make music or draw or anything. There are a couple things that I'm working on in my head. One is a combination picture/words story between this little boy and this little girl, and they start lying about adventures back and forth to impress each other. I want to take a few weeks and try to figure out oil painting. I've been working songs out in my head, but haven't had time to put anything down. I'm tired of typing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2008|10:15 pm] |
First day of school tomorrow. Holy crap... I'm the adult in the room. They expect me to know what I'm doing. This is crazy.
My dad and I went to Sears today and bought my first real ratchet set. It's a Craftman 245pc laser-etched socketset with a full wrench set and drawer box. I'm really excited. It's like Santa came in August |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2008|11:35 pm] |
I've been here for almost two weeks. It's pretty exciting. Last week was n00b teacher training, this week was getting our rooms ready and meeting the other teacher, and next week the kiddies come. I'm a little less nervous after meeting some of them at open house, but those are probably the students you're not going to have trouble with anyway. The town is pretty amazing. Everything is so different here. Everyone is friendly, and nobody is in a rush to do anything. It's nice most of the time, but sometimes it's a little frustrating. In PA, even if we have no where to go, we're rushing, so it's a pretty big adjustment to get used to taking your time.
My parents are visiting right now. They just went to bed-- tired from the drive. It's really good to see them, but if feels like it's been a lot longer than 2 weeks. It's also weird to have them visit me at MY place. Not like a college dorm or one bedroom apartment, but like a house. It's a good weird, though. It'll be like when my first grownup paycheck comes.
Things aren't going well with Emily. I'd like to lie and say they are great, but they aren't. She's never happy anymore. I think it's partially homesickness, but it's partially us and she won't admit it. She's taking moving a lot worse than I am. We've met some good friends, and hopfully that cheers her up, but I don't know. It's just really hard right now. Oh well. God brought us here, and I'm sure that God will see us through in some way. It's just hard to see her having such a rough time with everything.
Michael Phelps just broke the record for medals. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to get to that point. Where do you go from there? What do you do? Just travel for the rest of your life and make speeches? Do you go to a grocery store and bag canned goods? You can't be an athlete forever. When I was little, I wanted to play third base for the Yankees. Now I'm so glad that God didn't make me a baseball player. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2008|10:25 pm] |
|
I leave tomorrow morning, and I still don't feel better about leaving family behind. A few minutes ago, my dad just came in and gave me the biggest hug I've ever had and told me how proud he was of me. My dad and I rarely even touch. God it feels like I'm making such a big mistake. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2008|01:16 pm] |
I move to South Carolina. It doesn't worry me to go or to start the new job; that's all easy stuff. But I feel like I'm abandoning my family. I know they don't need me, but it still feels like when I go down there, they won't have help when they need to move things, and my dad and grandpa aren't going to have help with ripping up and replacing his driveway, and there are a lot of small things around here that they could use help with. I feel bad about leaving.
James and Tim are coming down to go camping tonight. I'm pretty excited |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|08:52 pm] |
Some short things. Today I was reading Ezra in the Bible, and it's about the Israelites reestablishing themselves after they move. After they've settled into towns, their first priority is to come together and build an alter to God. I thought it was something that was good to keep in mind since I'll be moving in under two weeks. Before worrying about anything else, I want to become part of a strong spiritual community there. Not just a nice church with happy little sermons, but somewhere to fellowship and grow, and also a place that I can help build. It says in Ezra that when they first constructed this new temple, some of the people who had seen the old one wept with sadness, and others shouted with joy. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to get there and feel more of a weeping than a shouting.
Today at work I was building an office. Me and another guy have been working on it for a few days, and now all of the walls are up and the electricity is run. Tomorrow we're putting up the dry wall. At one point, I was waiting for the other guy to get back with some more screws, and it was just neat to look around and see everything that is behind walls. How many hundred walls and buildings and houses and everything else do I walk by and never think about someone building? How often do I use electricity and never really think about the wiring behind the walls? A lot. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|10:16 pm] |
TWO DAYS IN A ROW! WAHOOO
Today after work I went to Chris' house. Jason and Maddie were going to be gone for an hour, so Chris was watching Eli. A long story short, the dog scared Eli, he fell over and cracked his head on the concrete. The kid started freaking out and crying. The weird part is that before I could even get over to him, Chris picked the kid up and acted like a dad to him. It was really weird. A minute or two later, Jason came home and Eli was still shaking and crying a little. Jason took him and carried him around and calmed him down. It was a real WTF moment there. I've seen Jason with his baby before, and Chris is going to have a kid within the next few months, but it was just weird to see them being... nurturing. I'm not sure I can ever have another farting contest with Jason again. After seeing that, it's different.
Also, birthday Sunday. Holy crap-- 24 is old. Almost half way to 50. That's ridiculous.
YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER OLD MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. I'LL NEVER BE AN OLD MAN |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
icarus3's journal